This blog was born from dissatisfaction and for all the wrong reasons. It was meant to “reflect” my lifestyle …Translation: A mechanism to facilitate the lies I told myself about my life.
See, I’ve often turned to blogs as a form of escape. For hours, I’ve browsed through pages of contrived fashion, beauty, and home decor and have always been blown away by the order I saw. Since bloggers’ lives seemed so pretty & sterile, free of conflict, I thought, “why shouldn’t I blog?” I figured that projecting that lifestyle would lead to that life.
The problem is that my life isn’t pretty & sterile. It’s messy. It’s dirty. It’s a life of dissonance, of trying to reconcile a traditionally sexist Cuban upbringing with my life as a 22-year-old woman raised in America.
More and more, I’m starting to realize that what I need isn’t a place to pretend everything’s okay, because it’s not. I’ve been called a whore by my parents, been told that I’ll never be loved by a man because I’m not a virgin, been told that I should aspire to marriage and a family because there’s nothing else I could possibly want to live for.
What I need is an open channel of communication and a place where I can share these & other issues… The struggle of being 22 and a professional, the struggle of being in a five year relationship but still being too young to make moves, the self-loathing that comes from being a constant disappointment to my family. I figure I can’t be the only woman struggling against the gender stereotypes engraved in her family’s mind.
So here goes. No more good, quiet girl. No more sweet, innocent girl. Because I’m not THAT all the time. Because I’m allowed to be bad, loud, ruthless, and nasty. Because I’m tired of the lies and the frustration. Because I won’t. Not anymore.